A pirate walks into a bar...

... and the bartender says, "Hey, I haven't seen you in a while. What happened, you look terrible?"

"What d'ye mean?" asks the pirate.

The bartender says, "You were fine when I last saw you but now you've got a wooden leg? How did that happen?"

"Arrr," says the pirate, "We was in a battle on the 'igh seas when a cannon ball from a ship o' the line came through the gunwales and took me leg clean off."

"Wow!" exclaims the bartender, "But what about that hook? Last time I saw you, you had both hands."

"Arrr," says the pirate, "We was in another battle on the 'igh seas when a cannon ball from a ship o' the line came o'er the gunwales and took me hand clean off."

"Wow!" exclaims the bartender, "And what about that eye patch? Did you lose your eye in a battle too?"

"Arrr," says the pirate, "We was moored in safe 'harbor an' just as I 'appened t' be lookin' skyward a seagull flew over an' shat right in it."

"But no-one loses an eye because of bird shit do they?" asked the bartender.

"Not usually," replied the pirate, "but I'd forgotten I 'ad the 'ook."